What Loss Is Worth
by Unwillingly Me
Summary: She was alone now. She had done it to herself, and she knew it. She ruined everything. She chose to drink the night away, not always getting the desired results. She chose to walk into that hospital room. She chose to do it. And she hated herself for most of her choices. Piper McLean was alone and fine with it. After all, it was her fault.


**So this took a spin when I was writing it, honest. And I know I should be working on all my other multi-chapter stories. I am. I swear I am. But this is just a sad, pathetic one-shot. **

**I don't own Percy Jackson and the Olympians/Heroes of Olympus. All rights go to Rick Riordan, though I doubt he would make Piper out to be the person I made her.**

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><p>Piper knew what agony was. It wasn't just physical pain. It could be emotional too. That's why she worked from sun up to sun down. All she wanted to do was forget what she had done. She just wanted to forget her friendships from the age fifteen to seventeen. So she worked all the time, often times not sleeping for twenty four hours straight. She kept herself up on her computer, writing up more "disturbing" scripts for her "fucked up" films.<p>

Most nights she would stay up for as long as possible, studying old films, drinking whatever alcohol she could find in her house, and blasting music she figured only Leo would know she listened to. She drank, worked, and studied until she blacked out, almost every night. Some people call it alcoholism, but it had no effects on Piper.

Her vodka was dull. It was useless, always had been since the first day she started drinking it. Gin, rum, wine, beer, scotch. Nothing got her intoxicated, which she absolutely hated. It would have been nice to have gotten wasted on some of the nights where she couldn't ignore the past. Her nights were filled with nightmares when she slept.

Days were filled with typical filming stuff. Filming, directing, shouting, and downing grape flavored Gatorade. She didn't dare drink in public. She had already gotten enough grief from the media when a video got out of her dragging a girl out of the filming studio because she wasn't good enough. Was it Piper's fault that the girl sucked and couldn't pretend that she was pretending to be happy? No. Was it Piper's fault that the girl tried to rape her secretary? No. So Piper dragged her out and banished her from the studio, going as far as getting a restraining order.

Ideas were everywhere, on her phone, her iPad, written in marker on her arms or napkins, sometimes on walls. Fanmail came in, and she usually took the time to answer and reply, knowing that life was hard and sometimes doesn't come out the way one plans it. For gods' sakes, she definitely hadn't been planning on being a prodigy in the film industry.

Phone calls were a completely different case. Her secretary would take of them, only patching in a select few people to Piper's earpiece. Her dad and a few people she had gotten along with during filming with them. Tim Burton happened to be one of them, along with Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp. She liked them, got along with them, could hold unforced conversations with them. And Allison Ford (until the new star killed herself). Naturally Piper was blamed for that too.

Was it Piper's fault that Allison started drugs after playing a role in Piper's first film? No. How was she supposed to know that playing a half-demon girl would drive her over the edge, thinking that Satan was really out to get her? She wasn't expected to know that. But the press had twisted that into "Piper McLean broke Allison Ford's heart, saying she didn't really love her and that it was all a game". Needless to say, a bunch of songs about using girls became the media's anthems for her. The number of times she heard "Decoy" and "Good Girls, Bad Guys" almost drove her insane.

"Miss McLean, you have a call." Sometimes she really hated her earpiece. She had Lindsey's voice in her ear almost nonstop, asking permission to patch through calls, reminding her of social events, informing her of the newest celebrity gossip. As if Piper didn't know that magazines kept publishing shit about her.

"Who is it?"

"She says she's your mother."

"Tell her I'm busy and to call back some other time." That was the first time her mother had contacted her in twelve years. After the whole Gaea and giants incident, Aphrodite seemed to have lost interest in Piper completely.

Piper ended up breaking up with Jason, shattering his heart in the process. Though now, sometimes when she thought about it, there had to have been a better way to break up with him. Letting him find her in the bushes kissing a girl was not a good strategy. And she felt bad about it a lot. After all, that girl happened to be his intoxicated sister. Who know immortals could get drunk? Piper sure as Hades didn't, until later when she learned that Thalia had been drunk.

Leo was gone. Nico and Will started dating. Percy and Annabeth were still a thing. Piper had actually gotten a wedding invitation from them about a year ago. She didn't go, but to be polite, she sent them a rather nice portrait she had someone paint just for the occasion. Naturally it was of the engaged couple, because having a portrait of Piper in the main room of wherever they were living would be a bit peculiar.

"Miss McLean, your mother is on the phone again." Piper heaved a sigh and withheld the urge to punch something.

"Tell her that I am still busy." A moment's pause told Piper that Lindsey was doing what Piper had instructed.

"She says it's urgent."

"I don't want to talk to her!"

"Very well." Another few minutes of Piper absent-mindedly tapper her pen on the table she was sitting at passed. "Miss McLean."

"I don't want to talk to my mother!"

"I was going to remind you about the appointment you have from three to five."

"What appointment?"

"You scheduled a visit to the children's section of the local hospital." Oh, that was true, wasn't it? She really didn't want to go, but if she made an appointment, then she really didn't have a choice. She hated hospitals, even more children in hospitals. She slowly got dressed and looked into the mirror, wishing that she could skip this.

People said that now that she had cut her hair, she looked like a younger, female version of her father. Sure, they were both Cherokee, but Piper didn't really see the resemblance so many other people saw. Okay, she looked like a teenage boy the way she was dressed, but her hair wasn't too masculine. It kind of reminded her of one of Tegan or Sara Quin's hairstyles. (She, regrettably, had trouble telling them apart. It was rather hard to hold a conversation when she had met them.)

She got in her car and drove to the stupid hospital to be a good citizen and make herself look like a good person. If she was honest, she didn't care about any of the children she had to hug and say encouraging words to. It was the closed door that had caught her attention when she was about to leave the hospital. It was, by then, five-thirty, and her obligation to stay was gone.

What did she do? She opened the door and walked in, figuring the kid would be too sick to care. She was wrong of course. The little boy, most likely around four, was watching one of her films, absolutely enraptured by it. She assumed he had cancer. He sure looked like a stereotypical cancer victim- without a hairless head.

"Whaddya wan'?" He obviously didn't recognize her or just didn't care. He honestly looked rather familiar. Unruly black hair, bright, electric blue eyes, and freckles that dotted his face. "I'm busy."

"I can tell, but you know, I don't think you grasp the concept of this film." Piper took the remote from his hands and paused the television. "Here's a hint. It's-"

"A dis-tor-shun of the maker's ree-al-i-tee." A smile crossed Piper's face. This kid was smart. "The loss of her mum rep-ree-sents the fact that McLean didn't know 'er mum until fifteen, when Alice learns 'er mum wasn't really dead. In the end, Alice dies, which goes wit' McLean's kind of kid-like life."

"Maybe you do know the film well."

"Why'd you make Alice die?" He did recognize her after all.

"How'd you know all that stuff?"

"My mum told me. She's smart. Why'd you make Alice die?"

"Because it's a happier ending."

"How?"

"Because Alice Knight died instead of losing everything she treasured."

"But she hated a lot of stuff."

"But she swore she wouldn't be like her dad and sacrifice the lives of others for success. She killed herself so that Fortunato wouldn't." A puzzled crossed the boy's face.

"I don' get it."

"Alice never knew her mom because her dad said she had died. He counted her dead because she was sent to a mental asylum, yelling about Satan and stuff. Yelling his daughter was really the spawn of Satan, which he didn't believe until Alice was fifteen and destroying shit." Piper then realized that she had cursed in front of a child, which was supposed to be a huge no. "I mean, you're right. It's a distortion of my life. My dad thought my mom had left him, so I didn't meet her until I was fifteen. My best friend died. I messed things up with my boyfriend because I got caught making out with his sister. Don't do that by the way, if you date someone, do not kiss their siblings. But that point in time when I was fifteen was the best time of my life even though bad stuff was happening. After I screwed everything up, there's a sort of emptiness."

She just told her entire life to a little kid. How pathetic was that? Very.

"So you left?"

"Yeah, I went back to California to live with my dad instead of at my camp. I finished at a normal high school. I went Juliard. And then I started filming almost immediately."

"You don' look like you care."

"Dear, it's called acting." And with that, Piper unpaused the movie and left the hospital.

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><p>She was standing in front of the kid's hospital room again. She shouldn't have been. This was the fourth day. It took that long for her to actually process that she wasn't supposed to be there. She wasn't supposed to be there at all. She was supposed to be getting ready for an interview with Ellen DeGenres. But it wouldn't take long to do that.<p>

She didn't knock. After all, she hadn't knocked for the past three days. No one cared. And the kid seemed overjoyed to have someone visit him so often. Though Piper wasn't entirely sure why it made her feel better. The kid was familiar in the way he talked and looked. And it bothered her a bit, so she tried to ignore it.

"See Mama? I told you she was really here!"

Piper was surprised, obviously. She knew it was plainly displayed on her face, and she honestly didn't care. There was someone here other than her. A worn down woman around the same age as her with an appearance very similar to the boy's. It was unnerving.

"Sorry. I-I should have knocked."

"Yes, you should have."

"You don't have to be so cold about it though." Shit. Piper knew she probably pissed the woman off. "I didn't mean to be rude."

"Can I talk to you in the hall?" This threw Piper off even more than the presence of the woman. "Now?"

"Y-Yeah. Of course." She stumbled into the hall, so very thrown off guard. This was really messing with her head. And she didn't like it at all. "D-Do I know you?"

"Cut the act Piper," the woman said darkly, closing the door. It was just them in the hall. Piper, looking rather snazzy and wearing the Leo look. Pants, white shirt, and suspenders. The only thing missing was a tool belt. And the woman, looking ragged and tired with her not too pristine clothes and clearly uncombed short hair. "Just…just leave him alone, okay?"

"Wha-"

"Don't come back. I-I don't think I can… It's selfish of me." The woman was on the verge of crying. "Do you remember me?"

"Yes."

"Then acknowledge it."

"Sorry." Then after a moment, Piper added "Thalia."

"Just don't come back after today."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want you to!"

"Why are you here? Why are you all grown up and stuff? Aren't you supposed to be a teenager until you die? That's a part of your cult, isn't it?" Thalia's expression grew stern.

"Typically. However, things change when a person gets kicked out, banished."

"For what?"

"Don't get too curious McLean." Thalia avoided the answer.

"Tell me now." Just because no one knew she had used charmspeak in the time of her career didn't mean she hadn't. It just wasn't as often.

"Jason's kid. I had to take care of Charlie. Jason and Reyna, they died in a car crash. Charlie managed to live. I had to, but-"

"You weren't kicked out. You left willingly." Piper knew her tone was very accusing. She didn't care. She hated being lied to. Lies followed her everywhere. She lied. She hated it. People lied about her. She hated it.

"It's funny that the kid looks like you."

"It was a great way to keep it shut up. He doesn't know. I can't tell him."

"Alright then." This time, surprise was on Thalia's face. "I'll say bye. Give him a token to remember me by. And he'll be cancer free in three years. I swear."

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><p>Piper cut her hand, letting the blood drip into a clear glass vial, absolutely enamored by the color and consistancy. It wasn't as painful as most people would think it would be. In fact, it didn't hurt at all as she was completely intoxicated and still drinking, waiting for her black out to happen. Today was a day she especially didn't want to remember. Not since she got the "fan mail" from an email address she had never seen before.<p>

It was actually a letter from Thalia, informing her that the boy, Charlie, had died. Not of cancer. No, he had been cleared of that, three months previous. He died in a car crash like his biological parents. Jason and Reyna. It was strange to think of them as a couple, dying together and leaving a little boy barely a year old.

**Funeral service is in three days.** **Go ahead and come if you want.**

"Hey." One would think that a twenty-nine year old would have a better greeting for a person mourning the loss of someone they considered to be their own child. Piper wasn't very eloquent at times like these though. "I'm sorry."

"He took it off."

"What?"

"He took the charm off and put it in his backpack during school. That's why he died, isn't it? He took that stupid charm off and died because of it. Sick of getting teased for the weird Cherokee bracelet he wore every day. Tell me that's why he didn't die."

"I don't know."

"I hate you."

"I understand." After a few moments, Thalia actually looked at Piper.

"I wasn't drunk. That night." She wasn't? That meant she was sober or a bit tipsy. "I knew what I was doing."

"He was your kid, wasn't he? You lied even when I used charmspeak."

"Yeah, Jason and Reyna are still alive. Not together though. Never together. I thought I loved you, you know."

"Did you really?"

"Yes."

"What do you think now?"

"I think you owe me big time for getting me kicked out of the Hunt. And then for the fact that I didn't have any education so I had to work at a bar and got raped. And I guess for breaking my brother's heart."

"He was your kid."

"Thought we already established that."

"I always liked you more than Jason."

"Most people do. Especially daughters of Aphrodite that used to date my brother." That was a pathetic statement. "I also think I owe you a couple of dates for paying for the hospital bills and treatment fees."

A smile crossed Piper's face, slightly. Maybe life wasn't meant to be drunk away each night until an empty oblivion. Of course, she wasn't quite sure about that yet.

"Not today."

"No shit, Sherlock."

"For what it's worth, I can tell you really cared about him."

"That doesn't mean anything."

"I figured." Piper handed Thalia a check.

"I don't want this."

"I don't care. I think he'd want you to take it."

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><p>Piper didn't want to date anyone. Piper was content with isolation. She was happy with her computer, films, and vodka (at night of course). She was fine with acting okay during the day and drinking herself into a stupor at night. That was what she did best. She was fucked up, and she knew it. Thalia hardly caught her interest as much as the kid did. She knew Thalia, and she didn't care about Thalia.<p>

What was left to care about anyways? Her halcyon days had died long ago. And the kid was right, the death of those days was represented by the death of her first film character, Alice Knight. Alice was nothing. Piper was nothing.

Loss is worth nothing. Nothing was lost except for Piper McLean, daughter of the goddess Aphrodite, the girl that fucked everything up. The woman that had nothing better to do than work and drink to forget what she had done wrong.


End file.
